To Be Raw

It’s been almost a month since I’ve posted because I had to do some serious thinking.

This site is not what I want it to be. It has turned into a reflection of the person that I want to be perceived as rather than a true place for me to remember myself as I truly am. I’ve blogged from different platforms all over the place and after taking this and saying this is me I watched it become something else. I watched it become my politically correct opinions about things I wasn’t necessarily passionate about, I watched it become my lukewarm feelings, I watched it become a place that I could dream about things that I don’t necessarily want.

Let me be clear…I love bits and pieces of this, but as I started to do the shameless project, I found that I was trying to force myself to be clever, force myself to talk about things when I had nothing to talk about, and pushed myself to be a carbon copy of what I thought would be perfect.But I am imperfect.

And I’m just learning to be okay with that.

So, I might write, I might not, this site has a lot of me in it, but I want it to not have just pieces of me, I want this site to actually show me as I am. Jagged, raw, honest, sometimes controversial, but always me. I have to step out of my fears of being rejected, step out of my fears of losing things–because if something isn’t meant to stick around, it won’t.

There are hard lessons that I’m learning. I’m becoming more observant to things around me and I’m learning to allow myself to get lost: because once you find yourself lost, you tend to find yourself. You learn what matters to you, you gain a true understanding of what you care about, how you feel about certain topics and you learn, my god you learn. I’m excited to learn, excited to get lost, and excited to just explore myself.

No matter the consequences, I must put myself first. Not the opinions of others, not the way I may look to my family, friends, church members, potential suitors (lol) or anything like that because I’ve found that putting on a mask that doesn’t fit just causes you to suffocate. The biggest takeaway from all of this: I don’t want to be someone or something else, I’d like to be me.

I’m learning to be

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• lost (iamprincesssarah.wordpress.com)

Mother’s Day.

My mother is just about everything to me…I truly love that woman no matter how much we fight–which thankfully isn’t often now.

For today’s festivities, I found a song by one of my favorites that I’d love to share with you all rather than posting an entire post about how awesome and great my mother is, because I’m sure I’ve already done a post like that before.

Happy Mother’s Day.

PS. 3 months until my birthday.

On Being Shameless

It has been awhile since I last wrote…and now I’ve embarked on this challenge that will have me writing here 4 times a week. FOUR. CUATRO. QUATRE. NELJÄ. VIER.

You get the point…however, if you didn’t see the original video, here’s the basics.

• 1 video a week.
• 10 tweets a day.
• 3 instagram photos a day.
• 4 blog posts a week.

The idea is to shamelessly promote myself and what I do. Therefore, you’ll be seeing a lot more posts from me which is always good. I think it is, of course, I’m biased. However, one of the hardest parts of this challenge is coming up with actual content. What am I going to talk about 4 times a week? I have no idea.

But I gladly accept the challenge.

That being said, I posted my latest video today and next week you can look forward to another one, (with less random noise in the background–that ksssssh sound is rather annoying, but I had the windows open…) with all sorts of randomness to it that will maybe open you up to my world or maybe help change a view or two in your own–or possibly you’ll help change some of mine.

I look forward to future conversations and if you have any topics that you think I should tackle for whatever reason, let me know. I’d be glad to take them on!

Life Comes At You Fast

This time last week, I was probably running some scripts into the studio at CBS…this week, I’m preparing to send my grandmother back home to New Jersey and starting my career as a reporter in Panama City Beach, FL.

Things have changed…so fast. In the past week, I’ve packed up my entire life, driven from New Jersey to Florida, albeit a day late thanks to some inclement weather, found an apartment, filled it with food and anything else I could afford to put in it, literally starting from scratch and it’s beyond liberating.

This is my new home...I know, quite a change from the snow and ice I would be dealing with! (Image via Wikipedia)

This opportunity I have right now is what I consider the true beginning of my journey as an adult. I’ve never lived on my own, never been in a space that I can completely call my own, and now I am. I’m planning meals, figuring out my budget, and to some people, for me to be at this point at 22 years old is late–but for me, it’s the perfect time. I know that as prepared as I thought I was for this stage of my life when I graduated, the time that I spent living with family up north was definitely the best thing for me. I met so many wonderful people, started networking in a major way, and learned a crazy amount of information about myself in a short period of time.

Earlier this week, I found myself at one of my most stressed points. I have some control issues–more along the lines of getting incredibly frustrated when things I have no control over go wrong–for example, when the snow and ice kept me from my trip on Saturday, I had to go to my bedroom and spend some time alone to calm down and get more rational thoughts flowing through my head because my mind went to extremes. The concept of being your own worst enemy couldn’t have been more true. I took this situation that I could do nothing about in the worst possible way, thinking things were just going to fall apart, that I wouldn’t be able to find an apartment in time–it was all very dramatic.

It’s moments like that where I’m grateful for the support system I have in my family. My grandmother pulled me out of my room and sat me down to talk some sense into me. It was a simple talk that was based around the Serenity Prayer and then we came up with a plan on how I’d tackle the process of relocating, from my finances to scheduling when we’d go to apartments, luckily I had her right by my side when I arrived in Florida to ensure I stay the course…but now comes the real test as she leaves and I begin to live on my own for the first time…ever!

Do I Look Like a Pet?

My hair when wet, untwisted, and UNTOUCHED.

I get comments all the time on how fantastic my hair is…the texture, the way that I can change styles, the way it holds, how soft it is, how good it smells, how curly it is, how surprisingly long it is when straightened…the list really goes on and on. As much as I love the compliments I receive about my hair, there’s one thing that I can’t stand…people who touch my hair without asking for permission.

The other day, a friend I’ve known since elementary school posted a note on Facebook discussing this very topic after an encounter left her less than pleased.

…this Sunday, I was standing in line at a restaurant with friends, waiting to be seated for brunch when a white woman behind me started running her fingers through my hair. “I just think this is so lovely. How do they get it like this?,” she asked, as she twirled my twisted hair on her fingers then flung it back and forth. I stared at her for a while, then I replied, “They twist it.” I then turned to my friend, asked her if she saw what just happened, and rolled my eyes in disgust.

I handled that situation wrong, I admit. As many times as similar things have happened to me, I should have had a ready response, but I must admit that I was flabbergasted at her encroachment on my personal space. It took serious will-power to say anything that did not include an explicative, so I kept my response terse. But, I really should have taken that opportunity to politely explain exactly why that behavior was offensive. I want to take that opportunity now.

My go-to style when I want to mess around with my hair.

 My friend went on to discuss how not only was this an invasion of her personal space, but the fact that the woman did so in such a casual manner, made it seem as though she felt entitled to touch my friend’s hair. To say I wholeheartedly agree, would be a bit of an understatement.

I don’t touch a stranger unless I have received some sort of notification that it’s okay for me to do so and I don’t understand why this common courtesy isn’t being extended by others…and as much as I hate to make this about race, I’ve never had such an encounter with anyone except white people…I mean, even my family members ask before touching my hair, my mother asks me before she touches my hair or waits until I offer my head over to her.

In addition to the violation that comes from being touched without being asked comes the comment that the woman made to my friend: “I just think this is so lovely. How do they get it like this?” Notice how she said “they” and not “she,” see…that pissed me off. In fact, that aggravated me more than the hair petting to begin with because using that pronoun took my friend from being a person and made her into something less than human.

All that being said, maybe I’m overreacting, or maybe you can’t relate…or maybe you don’t care if people touch you without asking…but I do…and that’s all there is to say about that.

Related articles

• News Flash: It Isn’t Cool to Touch Someone’s Hair (bellasugar.com)
• I Want to Touch your Hair (writeincolour.wordpress.com)

The Universe Conspires

If you’re my friend on Facebook or you follow me on Twitter, you already know about this news–but I had to talk about it one last time…lol. 

A few months ago I wrote out a list of goals that I wanted to accomplish. The list had 4 items on it: getting a promotion, moving out of my grandparents house, buying a DSLR, and saving money…3 months later, I can say that I have officially gotten to a spot where I can say that I have truly made strides in achieving these goals.

Thankfully, I won't be dealing with cold weather at my job. Thank the Lord. (Image via Wikipedia)

1. Getting a Promotion – I recently received the most amazing promotion…in the form of a new job…as a reporter. This has been the #1 goal for me for years. I’ve been pushing myself to land a job in my industry and had been successful thus far. I was working on the production side of things, but I knew I didn’t want to settle since my main goal was to be an on-air reporter. 9 months to the day of graduation, I’ll be starting at my new job as a general assignment reporter back in Florida. What’s even better? One of my main concerns, my natural hair, didn’t even become an issue, in fact, if you ever happen to see me on air, I’ll more than likely be rocking a twist out, my style of choice lately.

2. Moving Out – Well, now that #1 can be crossed off the list, #2 has to happen…I mean, I am moving to another state. So on Saturday, I will have officially moved out of my grandparents house and hopefully sometime next week, I’ll be moving into a brand new apartment where I get to have a new kind of struggle–being completely independent. To some this isn’t a big deal, but for me, this is huge. I’ve never had an apartment, never had to cook for myself, never really had to deal with bills outside of my phone and my credit card, so this shall be an experience for me. I can’t wait.

3. Buying a DSLR – I achieved this goal not too long after I wrote about it, but as far as updates go, I have been taking pictures every day, a personal challenge to myself to complete a 365-er. Each picture I’ve taken has a story that goes along with it so when I take the time to read through it once that time period is over, I’ll have a true portrait of the past year. I already know it’s going to be full of craziness and tons of new experiences since I’m at this amazing stage of what next in my life.

4. Save Money – I feel like this is one of those goals that you never truly feel like you accomplish, I mean…saving money isn’t something you stop doing, but I will say that I’ve done a somewhat better job. However, now that I’m going to be on my own, I can see that this is going to be the real challenge of the bunch: continuing to save. I’m looking forward to learning more about finances and really embracing this whole “grown up” lifestyle that I’m being thrust into.

Have you accomplished any of your goals recently? If so, which ones? If not, what do you plan to do to push yourself further to reach them?

Slut Shaming: As Told By a 13-year-old

In a world where most 13-year-olds are going crazy over Justin Beiber and iCarly, finding a video like this online was…shocking, amazing, uplifting, and surprising.

Astrorice made this video back in August, but it’s catching some heat now as it goes through Tumblr and was featured on Feministing.com and plenty of other feminist sites.

My thoughts on the video: Bravo.

From middle school to college, I heard the term slut tossed around all the time. If it wasn’t slut, it was hoe, whore, skank–and this had nothing to do with whether or not you were actually sexually active, it could be something as simple as your clothes being too tight…and let’s say the girl is sexually active, honestly speaking, what a woman does with her body is her decision.

Something else that this young vlogger hit on was the fact that slut shaming is more than degrading language, it’s a catalyst for sexual assault because it gives people the ridiculous excuse that a woman can be asking to get raped because of her attire when that just isn’t the case.

The problem isn’t something that’s easy to fix, but it’s something that needs to be addressed. Mainstream media is constantly telling girls around the world that they aren’t pretty enough and that they need to show off their bodies to get attention while simultaneously telling them that if they follow the instructions, they’re sluts and if you’re a slut you have no defense if you end up getting raped: because you had it coming.

So what are your thoughts on this video as well as the culture of slut shaming as a whole?

Related articles

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From 2011 to 2012

Hey y’all! It has been a little bit since I’ve written on here, but no worries–I’m coming back and strong, but to keep things sweet and easy, I wanted to say first and foremost, happy new year! I hope this first week has been lovely to you, it has been quite a rollercoaster for me.

So as far as what’s going to be happening here in 2012? The beautiful thing about this blog is that as I change, the blog will change too, as my goals and expectations are molded by my random experiences, so will the topics that I end up discussing. Hopefully you’ll still stick around to see what happens but what I can promise you is that there will definitely be more content and it will (probably) be more consistent, not to mention more pictures, more videos, and maybe even a new layout.

Who’s excited? This girl.

So here’s to 2012, a year that will be full of forward progress and plenty of changes. I hope that your Christmas and New Year’s were amazing.

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road trip warrior.

If there is one thing that I qualify for, it’s a title of being a road trip warrior. This weekend, I had the immense pleasure of driving from NJ to NC to FL for a much needed break from reality to celebrate my best friend graduating. The 13 hours driven really weren’t that bad, especially when considering the pay off: spending time with one of the most important people in my life, meeting more of her family members, and having the most ridiculous night that I will hazily recollect.

Anyway, after being down south, it made me realize all the little things I miss about being home…really home.

1. WARM WEATHER – Nothing truly beats coming from wearing coats and layers to being able to wear dresses without tights. Goodness. Even though the weather up here has been “unseasonable warm” it really isn’t cutting it. 50s will never qualify as warm weather to me, though I am incredibly grateful that we haven’t been hit with snow–yet.
2. WIDE, OPEN…ROADS – There are only a few things I hate about living up north…but my biggest gripe–without a doubt–is driving in the city. There is NO reason it should be such a hassle but with teeny tiny roads, the struggle to find parking, way too many one-way streets, and all these places where I can’t turn left? It was a pleasure to have 3 lanes with nothing but trees for scenery.
3. MEN IN UNIFORM – Sorry, I’m not sorry for putting this on the list. One of the beautiful things about where I live in NC is that I’m right on top of a military base. I had to go on to get a new ID and lawdamercy…that’s all I can say about that.
4. SOUTHERN HOSPITALITY – It’s real y’all. I love being home, I love everything about it, even the things that I normally hate like bugs and sweating. Southern accents, lots of hugs, a whole lot of manners, plenty of good times, and the food can’t be beat.

Nothing like going home to remind you why you can’t wait to come back. 🙂

What’s Your Prototype?

Sex and the City is always good for bringing up topics that make you think about your own love life. So today when someone quoted a question from Carrie on Twitter, I couldn’t help but think about it. “Are we all just dating the same person over and over and over again?” A great question, and I, like person that brought it up, say yes. A loud, resounding, strong, yes.

Clearly, it took Carrie a while to realize her type...it happens.

With some women, asking if they have a “type” can lead to hostility. For whatever reason, they don’t like to admit that they are seemingly predisposed to date men with commitment issues, bad conversational skills, or other things that ultimately end up ending the relationship. We’re so busy moaning about how terrible he was that we don’t stop to think about what all the men had in common.

From middle school straight through college, I was attracted to guys that weren’t attracted to me. I had a tendency to somehow be able to pick out the one guy who wouldn’t want anything serious with me to be to object of my affections. What made it worse was that generally, these men would be attracted to my friends, and I, being the “cool homie” that I was would usually end up setting those people up…or if I was especially lucky, get to watch it happen organically.

That’s not to say that my type was guys that didn’t like me. I just liked guys that made me feel that I had to earn their affection. Something about having to work hard to get the prize was endearing, but as time passed, I started getting attention back and then after a date or two, I was no longer interested.

This could probably also be attributed to the fact that some of the guys I was attracted to were complete wastes of time–but that’s neither here or there.

We are all attracted to certain qualities in people and for different reasons. Some men like aggressive women, but if you’ve ever been with one, you know that it takes a person of strong character to avoid being walked on. Some women like overly organized men, but if you’re not as put together, he might take you on as a project…or drop you to the side because you’re a distraction.

Now–just because we’ve fallen into a pattern when dealing with attraction, that doesn’t mean that it can’t be broken. As you grow up, your attractions change, the qualities you look for in a person change as well, so obviously, your type will shift. For example, I have taken a new approach to dating (thank goodness) and haven’t had any of those issues that seemed much more prevalent in the past.